Caroline Goldsmith | ATC Ireland Psychologist: Teaching Children Emotional Regulation for Lifelong Success

In a world that places increasing demands on young minds, teaching emotional regulation has never been more critical. Caroline Goldsmith, a respected clinical psychologist at ATC Ireland, emphasizes that emotional regulation is one of the most essential life skills a child can develop. It influences everything from how a child handles frustration and disappointment to how they form friendships and approach challenges.

In this blog, we’ll explore what emotional regulation is, why it’s foundational for mental health, and how parents, caregivers, and educators can teach it effectively.

What Is Emotional Regulation?

Emotional regulation is the ability to recognize, understand, and manage emotions in healthy and productive ways. For children, this includes:

• Naming their emotions accurately

• Understanding why they feel a certain way

• Calming themselves when overwhelmed

• Responding instead of reacting impulsively

• Expressing feelings appropriately in different contexts

Caroline Goldsmith explains, “Children who can regulate their emotions are better equipped to manage stress, resolve conflicts, and build positive relationships.”

Why Emotional Regulation Is a Critical Skill

Children are constantly navigating new experiences and unfamiliar emotions. Without guidance and support, they may become overwhelmed, leading to meltdowns, anxiety, or withdrawn behavior.

Emotionally regulated children are more likely to:

• Excel academically and socially

• Show resilience in the face of adversity

• Experience lower levels of anxiety and depression

• Develop empathy and social problem-solving skills

• Grow into emotionally intelligent adults

Goldsmith reminds us that this isn’t just about keeping children “calm”—it’s about empowering them with lifelong tools to handle complexity and change.

Common Challenges Children Face with Emotions

Even well-adjusted children can struggle with emotional regulation, especially during key developmental phases. Some common challenges include:

• Intense outbursts over minor frustrations

• Trouble expressing emotions with words

• Difficulty calming down after being upset

• Misinterpreting others’ emotional cues

• Avoiding situations that cause emotional discomfort

These are not signs of failure—they’re opportunities for teaching.

How Adults Can Teach Emotional Regulation

1. Be a Calm and Consistent Role Model

Children learn by watching the adults around them.

• Practice managing your own emotions in healthy ways

• Narrate your own emotional process: “I’m feeling frustrated, so I’m going to take a deep breath”

• Show that it’s okay to feel, and it’s also okay to pause before reacting

Caroline Goldsmith emphasizes, “Children internalize how we respond under pressure. Calmness is contagious.”

2. Teach the Language of Emotions

Give children the vocabulary to name their feelings accurately.

• Use emotion charts or feeling wheels

• Label emotions during everyday moments: “You seem disappointed we can’t go outside”

• Encourage children to talk about how they feel without shame

When children can name it, they’re more likely to manage it.

3. Help Them Connect Emotions to Triggers

Understanding “why” they feel a certain way builds emotional insight.

• Reflect together: “What happened just before you got upset?”

• Keep a feelings journal to spot patterns

• Discuss emotional reactions in stories or shows

This helps children recognize their emotional landscape before it spirals.

4. Introduce Calming Tools and Strategies

Give them accessible techniques to self-soothe in moments of overwhelm.

• Deep breathing exercises (“smell the flower, blow out the candle”)

• Physical tools like stress balls or fidget items

• Calm-down corners at home or school

• Movement breaks or stretching routines

Teach these when your child is calm so they’re ready to use them when big emotions hit.

5. Validate, Don’t Dismiss, Their Feelings

All feelings are valid—even if the behavior that follows needs redirection.

• Avoid saying “Don’t cry” or “You’re being dramatic”

• Instead, try “It’s okay to be sad. I’m here with you.”

• Separate feelings from actions: “It’s okay to be angry, but it’s not okay to hit.”

Validation strengthens the child’s trust in you and in themselves.

6. Practice Problem-Solving and Reflection

Once calm, help them reflect and grow from the experience.

• Ask: “What helped you feel better?” or “What could we try next time?”

• Role-play situations they might encounter

• Celebrate successful emotional regulation moments

Over time, this builds self-awareness and emotional mastery.

When to Seek Extra Support

Some children may need additional help learning to regulate emotions—especially those with ADHD, autism, trauma histories, or anxiety disorders.

Warning signs that professional guidance may be helpful:

• Frequent explosive tantrums or shutdowns

• Trouble calming down after minor triggers

• Ongoing sleep issues or school avoidance

• Repeated difficulties with peers or teachers

Caroline Goldsmith and her team at ATC Ireland use developmentally appropriate, evidence-based approaches—including play therapy, mindfulness training, and parent coaching—to support emotional regulation in children of all backgrounds.

Final Thoughts from Caroline Goldsmith

“Teaching children to regulate their emotions is a long-term investment in their mental health,” says Caroline Goldsmith. “It’s not about perfection—it’s about progress. Each time a child learns to name, manage, and grow through their emotions, they build a stronger foundation for confidence, connection, and resilience.”

Through patient teaching, consistency, and empathy, we can give children the lifelong gift of emotional strength.